All suffering is accompanied by loss.
Something fundamental has been done to us and something fundamental has been taken from us. After abandonment, we experience a loss of connection and security. In grief, we intensely miss closeness, and in depression, we lose joy and the will to make something of life. Burnout consumes all our energy, our passion, sleep, and appetite; unseen talent has turned against us. After traumatic suffering and a high degree of stress and insecurity, we may suffer from flashbacks, ever-present doubt, fear, or shame.
We are sad about lost time.
In the best case, we have a reasonably solid foundation and eventually end up nothing more than burned out. Burnout or boreout is a problem that can often be effectively addressed with a clarifying process. We often look for the cause of problems outside ourselves, in the circumstances around us. An autumn slump, a relationship crisis, our work stress, or disappointing therapy. Sometimes that is correct, but usually an overactive coping strategy underlies our overwork or perfectionism. Sometimes illness or silently suffering from chronic physical ailments limits happy experiences and pleasure. They often mask loneliness, neglect, and trauma. They often mask a forgotten child.
What we suppress leads to complex and unlivable patterns.
Persistent anger combined with somber moods reveals deep pain. It brings repetitive periods of numbness, depression, or strongly fluctuating moods into our lives, with a major impact on our daily functioning. We lack clarity and stability, constantly see obstacles where there are none, and do not possess the strength to come up with alternatives. Sometimes we experience a brief uplift through an impulsive action or a new hobby, but our good intentions and resolutions frequently fail. In any case, we repeatedly find ourselves in situations where we are controlled by a recurring pattern of stress. People come and go, as do personal goals; success, happiness, and contentment remain conspicuously absent from our lives.
It takes a lot of effort to live like this.
This hopeless cycle of recovery leading to setbacks, to giving up, to picking ourselves up again, or having to fight physical pain over and over again, has a profound impact on our personal well-being every day. It leads to mental and physical exhaustion and hinders growth. We almost never have rest. We are often called weak, unstable, and see incomprehension in the eyes of those close to us, yet no one realizes how we have been trying for years to break open this dead end. We work hard to get our lives back on track, but overburdened by old stress or illness, we become entangled in misery and duality. Sometimes our busyness and noisiness hide discomfort and nervousness; sometimes we are quite happy, but once in silence, we fight with inner demons.
A childhood without recognition and safety shapes us into adults with little foundation and stability.
That is why we cannot achieve healing in a straightforward, simple step via a plan and goals. We must take a different path—one where we first lay a solid foundation. It is a process of trial and error, failed therapies, and ploughed-through self-help books—experiences that make us stronger. Something within us is determined: we have come this far, and by continuing to take small, achievable steps, we ensure sustainable progress. It is usually the moment when we actively ask for help; the biggest obstacles have been overcome, and we have become aware of the need to consolidate what has been learned and to seek ways to achieve consistent support and improvement.
Healing begins with being able to see clearly and accept who we are.
It takes courage to see who we have become through our victimhood. It confronts us with who we truly are, on good and bad days. It reflects our childhood, our upbringing, our life, and the burden we still experience today. It touches upon certainties and our loyalty. It takes courage to face our memories. Self-compassion and acknowledging pain are crucial. We often condemn ourselves for holding onto wounds or patterns, while it is a natural part of recovery. By cultivating kindness, we create space for growth and transformation.
Happiness is not the absence of difficulties. It is the ability to deal with them.
Clearing the inner self is an intensive process, so we start slowly with a carefully set table to regain strength. Without plus there is no minus; without yin there is no yang; without light, only darkness. Constant focus on misery gets us nowhere; it's why we ended up here in the first place. Soul food, the sublime in our world is that which offers warmth, light, and peace. We rediscover old hobbies and give them a new twist. What we loved doing as children continues to appeal; there are many ways to rediscover the magic of our childhood. We carefully maneuver past our lingering pain. Reflecting on ourselves is essential: whoever wants to change must act differently. In this way, we find peace in who we are and make room for growth. First the foundation, then the rest will follow naturally.
Healing involves moments of doubt and resistance, but also joy, wonder, and acceptance.
It seems like a major challenge, but the positive side of the healing process is rarely highlighted. The beginning requires a great deal of effort to convince our inner defense mechanisms of the right interactions. It can be exhausting to confront our protective mechanisms and to allow more authenticity with difficulty. However, over time, undeniable change follows. When we learn to be truly present in the moment and become increasingly better at transforming neuroses into joy, the days will lighten. Sometimes we can look back with a smile, allowing us to put serious problems into perspective. For many, this is often the first experience of a healthy connection with oneself, in which we are open to our depths and confidently let go of past pain.
Credere Counseling combines professional expertise with profound personal experience in this field. Change can be both challenging and simple: having an intrinsic willingness to improve is the driving force and the most important factor in the process.
Bronnen, noten en/of referenties
In the real world - Alex Sierra, https://alexserramusic.com/bio mei 2024
A visual representation of the healing power of time. https://youtu.be/PKTavl8hNN8?feature=shared
Artikel - CCM van Helmond, 2024